I came across this beautiful scene while I was driving and fretting about something. It was this huge breathtaking, jolt, that I am always held, that we are always held…This kind of pain crosses the spectrum of crying until the tears can’t come out anymore to numbness. You may be feeling a secretive pain, not wanting to confide in anyone or only a select few people. You are grieving in a complicated way, the kind of grief that many may not understand; grieving someone who was not physically here yet, who only you have met. Others ask if you are ok, you say yes, yet we know that you aren’t. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to take off work. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to not cry. It’s ok to want to work more. Everyone grieves in different ways. It seems such an injustice, to only have been able to meet your baby inside of you. You will not be the same, I know. You will be a different kind of mother because of this. You had hopes, dreams, and plans for your baby. You are a mother; you were being protective, caring, and nurturing your baby. The blame thoughts are never ending, on repeat day and night. The guilt is heavy. I don’t have magic words to take away the guilt. Yet, I know the blaming isn’t helping you. You know what the doctors say…I don’t have to remind you. You did the best you could, with the knowledge you had. Just like all mothers. I don’t know a lot but I know for sure and was reminded after seeing this sunset. God is holding your baby. God IS HOLDING YOUR BABY. You will need to let go of the need to know why and let time heal this pain. Counseling and time heal all, I say. I am ready for you when you are.
Your pregnancy therapist,